I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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