I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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