I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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