Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
