I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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