we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
