Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
