I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
