In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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