so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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