I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
