I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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