It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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