If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
