I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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