Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
