is your mom at the bar?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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