it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
