i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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