I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
