i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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