Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
