I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
