Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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