I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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