I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
