Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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