: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
