You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We have so much sex to catch up on
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
