dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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