Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
