dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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