why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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