ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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