When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
