Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
