my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
