Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
