she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
