Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
