did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Two words: nipple clamps
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