i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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