I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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