dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
