I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
