if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I supernannyed him into submission
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
