I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
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