I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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