where am i from again
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
