i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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