Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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