we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
