is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
