the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
