oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
