he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
